In the last year and a half, I made a loose decision to go Alcohol-Free. I started off with a cold turkey approach, which ultimately didn’t work for me: especially because I never was the type to drink except on social occasions, so I felt like I was missing out. In the last 8 years, I have had my fair share of bad nights and worse mornings, and have gotten to a point where even when I drink and have a good night, I have experienced a pre-programmed feeling of guilt after words, even if I had nothing to feel guilty for. As a result, I had most recently been sober sober for 43 days, prior to an all inclusive trip to an all-inclusive trip to Mexico last week. Here are some things I have learned about myself, and things I want to continue to work on.
Mornings
I want to start off by saying that choosing to be sober has been an active choice on my part. Miley Cyrus made a comment where she talked about her sobriety by saying one of the reasons she stopped drinking was because she wants to wake up in the morning feeling 110%. That completely resonated with me. The older I have gotten, the more I revel in waking up feeling like the day is fresh and new and mine for the taking. Having a hangover totally derails even the most relaxing and lazy day. So getting to reclaim my mornings and days from the grips of a hangover is one of the biggest reasons I stopped socially drinking.
Friends
Another large reason was that the older I get, the more I realize that the friends I associate with are going to like me with/without drinking. There were people that I was friends with in college that for sure made me feel bad when I didn’t want to go out to bars or parties for a night and opted to cancel plans to stay home. It would sometimes make me feel like it was only fun to hang in drinking environments. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking that at the time and have only really come to that revelation in adulthood, but hindsight is 20/20.
Time has shown me that the people in my circles are true and genuine friends, and want to hang out with me regardless of alcohol being involved. I have even noticed in social situations with people I don’t know well that they’ll often offer me non-alcoholic beverages many times just to make sure I’m still having fun. It makes me feel good to be around people who don’t make me feel weird or judged for not drinking.
Because I Want To
With that said, I don’t completely stay sober, just mostly. The rule I set for myself in the beginning was that I would only drink if it was a beverage that I really wanted and would enjoy, not just for the sake of getting drunk or having what was available. I tend to bring my own beverages to parties, like Poppi’s or Ollipop, just so I can still have a fun little drink and feel normal. I do on occasion want a spicy margarita, and will let myself have one, but more often than not my thoughts move on to the next thing and I forget I wanted a beverage in the first place. I think about that phenomena like I think about soda or dessert – I didn’t really have them growing up, so I don’t exactly crave them as an adult. Just meaning that I didn’t have my first drink until the very end of senior year of high school, and very late into my freshman year of college even. It wasn’t a normal part of my life until college, so I don’t really miss it all that much.
Treating my body right
One of the earliest reasons I started cutting alcohol out was because I thought it would be the quickest and easiest start to losing weight.
I started a health journey back in August of 2021, and it has been going really great. As it has progressed, I have moved away from the restrictive dieting, but with alcohol, it stuck. I really attribute the first drop in weight to cutting out alcohol. It had extra benefits too, like not eating food late at night after going out, or having hungover KFC runs to fight off the sunday scaries. Overall, I am pretty glad I cut the alcohol for my physical health because it showed me more benefits beyond just losing weight.
Punishing yourself
A fight I am still fighting is that I constantly punish myself for going out and drinking and overdoing it. Even when I did not cross a line or overdo it, the next day I would have immense guilt, even if nothing went awry. I would punish myself for being embarrassing, not knowing my limits, saying something stupid, or being a burden to others. This problem with guilt obviously extends beyond drinking, but it has for sure reared its ugly head most when alcohol is involved. I love getting to spend a sober time with friends and go home and feel not one ounce of guilt for something my drunk self may have done. It has been really liberating!
Driving
I also want to quickly say how amazing it is to be able to hop in the car and leave any party or event at my will. Having to run and catch a train or pay for an Uber or wait 2 hours to sober up enough to drive SUCKS. The amount of ease and peace it has brought me to just get in my car and go when I’m tired or have had enough of whatever event I am at is also incredibly liberating.
All in all…
Through this whole relationship restructuring, I have learned a lot about myself and others. Most importantly, the people I choose to surround myself with are still just as much my friends with the absence of alcohol. I have never felt pressured to drink with my loved ones, and even when I do, I know enough about myself and my priorities that I am finally starting to regulate what too much for me is.
I love waking up in the morning and having complete control over my body, not a hangover. This alone has helped me stick to my sobriety more than anything else. I have found a new dopamine high to chase, so instead of that drunk happy feeling, I have substituted it with morning productivity. It has overall been such a pleasant experience for me, and while I will still have a few Bloody Marys and a Miami Vice on the beaches of Cancun with my friends, I for sure feel grounded in my limits and boundaries.
Caroline's Path of Grace 
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