It has officially been one year since Kevin and I moved in together! I am so lucky that I get to live with a partner who prioritizes me and helps make every day amazing. As we have just finished our first full year under one roof, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on how it has gone and look to the future!
Before Move In
Let’s start at the beginning. I definitely wanted us to move in together months before he did. I think I felt like I was ready to take that step, and I had also never lived with a partner before. I prepared a whole document with different questions and possible issues etc. for us to go over so that he could really see pros/cons and that we could maybe foster some open communication. For context, this would not be his first time living with a partner, so I think he may have felt a little nervous that this move would have a similar experience and ending to his last. We still weren’t fully on the same page after this meeting, but I felt like I had done my best to put my intentions on the table and show that I could have mature conversations regarding the big deal that was moving in together.
Finding a Place
When my apartment lease was nearing its end, I wanted to start looking at apartments to get a feel for what types of places I liked/didn’t like. I wanted him to be a part of this process, but I knew he still felt uncomfortable about the idea of us living together.
We had been together for about a year and a half at this point, and I felt more than ready. Fortunately for me, because of my job, I was able to go see an apartment coming available a few weeks from then. It was walking distance to town and my office, a park across the street, two parking spaces, and was an end unit. Kevin came with me to see the unit and instantly fell. One of his original concerns was that we would need a 2BR so that he could have space and an office. We got so lucky and he knew right then that we would be fools to not take it. So, we signed a lease and began the moving process!
Moving Day
We were fortunately able to start moving before our start date of the lease since the apartment was vacant and ready to go. I was actually away in LA leading up to the start of the lease, so Kevin started moving his stuff and mine. I was all packed up, so he just took loads and loads of boxes to the apartment while I was away. He sent me pictures of him sleeping on the floor with a pile of blankets since we needed to wait for a UHaul to move the bed frame, and had to wait for the mattress we ordered to get delivered.
We rented a UHaul to move most of my furniture since I had 2 couches, bookshelves, dressers, etc. My grandparents, my dad, and my friend Justin came to help us out and Kevin and I drove in the truck to move everything. The whole process took around 10 hours, and we went to grab some furniture from Kevin’s apartment too. It was so weird to see the apartments empty!!
Making a Home
One of my favorite things about living in a shared apartment (and any apartment) is making it homey. I have been very fortunate that my apartments have been basically furnished. My grandparents sold 2 homes in the span of 18 months so it was the perfect way for me to get any furniture that they and my mom wanted to get rid of. It has worked out great – a lot of those pieces are super sentimental to me.
Since most of the furniture comes from me, it has been interesting to combine our styles in a shared home. Kevin has an office and has been able to decorate however he wanted, and was kind enough to hang up my degree alongside his! We have frames on the wall from my grandparents house as well as framed photography from Kevin’s brother. We are fortunate to have so much space so I am able to spread out all of my trinkets and belongings in hallways, counters, and windowsills.
Routines
One of the best things about living together is that it has saved us both so much time going back and forth to each other’s places. After a trip or a night out, we get to come home together instead of packing a bag to spend the night. We have gotten into a nice groove of coming home after work, making dinner, spending some relaxing time either together or alone, a little “closing shift” cleaning, and then ending the night in bed winding down.
We have developed a nice comfortable environment where we stick to similar time frames, even if we aren’t doing things together. We always do alone time at the same time, wind down for the night at the same time, and also go to bed at the same time. This really helps my sleep and helps us develop a close intimacy of spending our time together.
Weekends
Weekends are always fun. I usually like to have a chore day and a fun day. Kevin likes to have days where we do absolutely nothing, which is fun too, but since I am not someone who likes to clean or do grocery shopping after a work day, these things tend to happen on a weekend. From April-November, we usually will go to the farmers market in the park across from our apartment. This is a nice way to get outside, eat local, and support local business on a Saturday Morning. I tend to make a meal plan/grocery list on Saturdays too, and we’ll go to the grocery store together.
We have a chore list and usually do them pretty differently. I will watch an episode of TV and then after, I set a 10 minute timer and go do a chore or two. I repeat this until I have gotten my fill for the day. Kevin usually operates in a similar mode, but will just work on a blog post or two until he needs a break, then throws on headphones to do a chore. Rinse and repeat. Both methods really work for us and help to get things done in our own way.
For our fun day, we will usually have something on the calendar with friends or an adventure planned. We are members of The Bronx Zoo, so often our weekends this spring/summer have included a day of walking at the zoo. We will sometimes go someplace new to check our bookstores, local shopping, a coffee shop, etc. It is so wonderful to get to live with a partner who is always down for an adventure!
Working Through It
Of course, like all couples living together or not, there are always challenges. Sometimes one of us is in a mood after a work day and does not want to cook, or do a chore, or maybe needs more alone time. I think the best part of our relationship has been the willingness to work things out and be respectful of the other person’s boundaries. I am constantly learning how/when it is best to interact with Kevin while he or I are riled up. Most of the time, the answer is alone time.
Sometimes we have disagreements about how a chore should be done or how our weekend time should be spent. We are usually able to come to an agreement in a place of peace and love, and can then learn about the other person’s method/perspective. One thing we both have to remind ourselves of is that the other person cannot read our mind. We work on communicating what it is we need to the best of our ability. I think it’s important to not be on the same page all the time, because then we wouldn’t be able to learn about each other’s perspectives and experiences.
Growing Together
What has been the best part of living together is that we are both dedicated to growing and changing together. We both enjoy learning about each other’s perspective and differences, and can appreciate them because we love each other. I know we will never pass judgment on the other, and who better to be a soundboard for all your crazy thoughts?
I have loved getting to know Kevin deeper and better from us living together. You get to see the other person’s quirks and behaviors in a whole other way when being under one roof. Nothing goes unseen! It has been so special to have someone be there for me always whenever I am having a good or bad moment. We always run like little dogs to the front door when the other one comes home.
Here’s to having that feeling for the rest of our lives!
Caroline's Path of Grace 
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